Curtain rises and discovers the Speaker, who comes forward, thinking aloud,
“Ladies and Gentlemen” seems stiff and cold.
There’s something personal in “Young and Old”;
I’ll try “Dear Friends” (addresses audience) Oh! let me call you so.
Dear friends, look kindly on our little show.
Contrast us not with giants in the Art,
Nor say “You should see Sothern in that part”;
Nor yet, unkindest cut of all, in fact,
Condemn the actors, while you praise the Act.
Having by coming proved you find a charm in it,
Don’t go away, and hint there may be harm in it.
Miss Crabb: My dear Miss Verjuice, can it really be?
You’re just in time, love, for a cup of tea;
And so, you went to see those people play.
Miss Verjuice: Well! yes, Miss Crabb, and I may truly say
You showed your wisdom when you stayed away.
Miss C.: Doubtless! Theatricals in our quiet town!
I’ve always said, “The law should put them down,”
They mean no harm, tho’ I begin to doubt it—
But now sit down and tell me all about it.
Miss V.: Well then, Miss Crabb, I won’t deceive you, dear;
I heard some things I—didn’t like to hear:
Miss C.: But don’t omit them now.
Miss V.: Well! No! I’ll try
To tell you all the painful history.
(They whisper alternately behind a small fan.)
Miss V.: And then, my dear, Miss Asterisk and he
Pretended they were lovers!!
Miss C.: Gracious me!!
(More whispering behind fan.)
Speaker: What! Acting love!! And has that ne’er been seen
Save with a row of footlights placed between?
My gentle censors, let me roundly ask,
Do none but actors ever wear a mask?
Or have we reached at last that golden age
That finds deception only on the Stage?
Come, let’s confess all round before we budge,
When all are guilty, none should play the Judge.
We’re actors all, a motley company,
Some on the Stage, and others—on the sly—
And guiltiest he who paints so well his phiz
His brother actors scarce know what he is.
A truce to moralizing; we invite
The goodly company we see to-night
To have the little banquet we have got,
Well dressed, we hope, and served up hot & hot.
“Loan of a Lover” is the leading dish,
Concluding with a dainty course of fish;
“Whitebait at Greenwich” in the best condition
(By Mr. Gladstone’s very kind permission).
Before the courses will be handed round
An Entrée made of Children, nicely browned.
Bell rings.
But hark! The bell to summon me away;
They’re anxious to begin their little Play.
One word before I go—We’ll do our best,
And crave your kind indulgence for the rest;
Own that at least we’ve striven to succeed,
And take the good intention for the deed.
Nov. 1871.